THE_REAL

Notes: 39 / 1 hour ago from seoulbrother

Name Drop Time™

It’s that time during dinner at the conference when Joe from Charleston or Greg from Fort Worth whip out their dicks and start measuring in name drops. And yes, it’s usually guys and it seems like one of them is always from Texas.

Usually I turn to whoever’s closest and talk about anything else but tonight I just sat there. See, the topic of the day was Social Media and the audience ranged from those like Greg from Fort Worth, who had it all figured out to Janice who just e-mails AND THAT’S IT [uncomfortable laughter]. So I listened.

“Have your read X?” or “So and so does this and he’s amazing” and “If you don’t know [fill in the blank] you’re missing out.” On and on and naturally the conversation turns to Twitter.

I quickly realized that parts of my body I’ve long forgotten about have gag reflexes or sphincters and when Joe from Charleston explained what Twitter was and how you should be using it, I learned which organs have both.

So what I’m saying is that it was a bad idea and the pork chop was delicious.

OOO! OOO! DID THEY TALK ABOUT ME??

But seriously, how cool would it have been if someone knew how great SeoulBrother is? That is a “sit-com moment” (of which I have a few) that must be utilized for fun and amusement. i.e. “That sounds PREPOSTEROUS! Making filthy jokes to people you don’t even KNOW? Ugh!”, etc.

I get it. You HAD to stay there and listen. You were a victim of circumstance.

Notes: 1 / 1 hour ago

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Curly: “I’m a victim of COI-cumstance!”

Notes: 27 / 2 hours ago from pocketcontents (originally from gordonshumway)

pocketcontents:

gordonshumway:

It’s 4:13 a.m., I’ve been awake for twenty-three hours and this just happened.

I’m not sure if this means yesterday sucked or today’s just off to a less-than-stellar start.

It means you’ve shattered the universe with your awesomeness.

DAMN, you click hard.

Notes: 4 / 2 hours ago

Oh, so THAT’S where the silly blog name shows up. I thought I was just amusing myself. Well, I probably am, but still…

Notes: 5 / 3 hours ago

Such a strange combination of professed love and surprisingly mild curse. I guess I’ll keep you posted on the status of my eyelids vis-à-vis acne to see if Republican-cult tweet-curses work.

For more fun, look at the @ replies the Senator gets.

EDITED TO ADD: I guess this guy hasn’t actually looked at the links his Senator posts…

Notes: 8 / 20 hours ago

PuPuNoNo

Me: OK, I'll bring home a pu pu platter and chicken fried rice.
Girlfriend: Are you gonna get a scorpion bowl while they cook it?
Me: Nah. I wasn't enamored of it last time.
Girlfriend: OK.
Me: OH! Maybe I'll drink someplace else and weave on over to the Chinese place!
Girlfriend: NO WEAVING!
Me: No, no, no. Of course not. I drive better when I'm drunk.
Girlfriend: I'm gonna kill you.

Notes: 13 / 23 hours ago from rachelarogers

rachelarogers:

So far they’re not helping.

Guess I’ll just have to keep eating them…

Let’s see a big Oreo-encrusted smile. Be brave!

Notes: 39 / 23 hours ago from redcloud (originally from syntheticpubes)

Laugh

redcloud:

therealkatiewest:

syntheticpubes:

Laugh until the marketing shills have to change their tack. Laugh until all billboards are just polite requests. “Please investigate our new product online if you have a moment. We’re really quite proud of it. Thank you ever so much.”

We didn’t have a TV for most of my childhood, and it’s scary to look back and notice its efficiency, before and after. Its introduction brought neediness; I found my young self distressed that I did not have all the toys and clothes I wanted. After I learned what an Eddie Bauer edition car was (precisely what we didn’t have—tinted power windows, premium sound system, leather everywhere), I used to play a game in my head: each time I saw a car I fancied, I’d say/think “I want that in Eddie Bauer.” Eventually it was just shortened to “That,” and, although inaudible, it didn’t count unless I formed the word with my mouth. I spent a few years touching my tongue to the back of my front teeth, quietly coveting a dozen or dozens of cars each day. “That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That.”

A young boy consciously cataloging all the things he’d never have—how depressing.

But it was precisely the desired outcome.

Now days I can’t watch television for more than a couple minutes without becoming apoplectic. Hernia-inducing levels of rage. “How dare they insult our intelligence like that? Cleansing micro-beads? Really!?” and on and on.

So I try to laugh instead. I laugh to drive away the knowledge that marketing ‘wisdom’ still works on a great many people. I laugh in hopes of looking like less of a cynic. I laugh to try and broadcast the insanity of it all.

That.

Notes: 20 / 23 hours ago from ladawn