Obama’s Second-Term Victory Is Ice Cream
Re-electing Barack Obama was a bigger victory than simply putting a check mark in the “W” column. (Shit. I just reminded myself of the last guy. [SHUDDER])
It’s a gigantic victory. It’s SWEET victory. Why is it sweeter than just a plain old victory? The stage is set by what Obama inherited:
- Economic Disaster - Speaking of the last guy, Dubya inherited the biggest surplus in history and converted it into the biggest deficit in history. He shoveled money from a full vault into the overstuffed pockets of fat cats and into two useless, immoral, unwinnable wars, and kept digging until the hole in the floor of the vault was as big as the pile of money that had been in it. Dubya left that giant economic hole to his successor.
- Ongoing Wars - The trickiest part of unwinnable wars is getting out of them. Dubya left that shitty task to his successor.
Due to the havoc Dubya wreaked on America, and the commensurate repercussions, the GOP didn’t want to win the 2008 election. That’s right. They didn’t want to win.
They planned to blame the Democratic winner for all of the country’s problems, block anything he or she wanted to do, and be sitting pretty four years later to easily win in 2012 and take credit for the inevitable upturn in the economy.
Crazy, you say? Check this out:
The candidate the GOP put forth was short, old, decrepit, facially asymmetrical, and blinky as hell. The stress of the presidency probably would have killed him. Which brings up his running mate: A corrupt, vindictive Barbie-doll hockey mom with a shocking lack of knowledge about the world (and proud of it) and an accent that turbocharged her very evident stupidity and shallowness.
Sure they wanted to win. But the GOP didn’t want them to win.
But now… NOW.
It’s 2012 and the GOP really wants to win. They are supposed to win. It’s self-evident that they will win. They could taste it. They were salivating.
It reminds me of Eddie Murphy’s bit about ice cream from Delirious. The Republicans are the kid who has the ice cream, taunting the kid who doesn’t have any ice cream “because you are on the welllffaarre!” They danced around ecstatically with the ice cream in their grasp until the ice cream fell on the ground and they stood there dejected.
And the welfare kid danced and sang.
That’s why this win is so sweet and delicious.
Republicans react to Obama’s second-term victory.
Four years ago, Republicans ran over my signs repeatedly. That was before my neighbors across the street installed this telephone pole for their safety mirror. I’d like the Republicans to try to run them over now. I’ll keep checking the area for BMW and Escalade debris.
It’s not very Presidential to:
- Hide your money overseas to avoid taxes
- Change your positions based on who you think is listening at that moment
- Accuse your opponent of being born in another country
- Posthumously baptize people against their express wishes
- Purposely make companies fail in order to extract every penny you can for yourself
- Delegate all duties and decisions such that your campaign is in chaos
- Lead a campaign into $11 million of debt
- Threaten to destroy the U.S. unless your demands are met
- Hold a campaign rally during a disaster
- Lie to the public 917 times just this year
- Lie about your primary residence in order to be elected governor
- When asked to prove residency, reply “Trust me!”
- Lie about your tax-paying history
- When asked to prove you paid taxes, reply “Trust me!”
- Only care about 53% of Americans
- Believe jumbo jet airplane windows should roll down
- Trap a dog on top of a car on a twelve hour highway trip
- Lead a gang to terrorize another human being by holding him on the ground and cutting his hair
- Be the one who wields the sharp scissors to a terrified man’s head while laughing in his face
President Obama said the disaster recovery effort still has a long way to go but pledged a “120 percent effort” by all those involved.
Vice President Biden added, “120. 121. Whatever it takes.”
In New Hampshire, politics is up close and personal. (at Obama Campaign Rally)
I would want to shake the Secret Service guys’ hands and thank them for protecting the president, but I think they’re like seeing eye dogs. You’re not allowed to interact with them unless you get permission first.
“If he’s sitting on the ground you can pet him.”
We don’t need the government regulating chemical companies or refineries or nuclear plants. No one ever got sick from a contaminated water supply. Look, all you have to do is open up your refrigerator and get some Evian.
If he were in Eighth Grade, his paper would be taken away, he’d get a zero, and then be facing an almost certain suspension. But, yeah, this is the guy you want as President. Ha!
It’s been pointed out before that the quoted rule is from an older debate (2004, I think). The rules for this debate haven’t been released.
It also looks like it’s a handkerchief that he pulled out of his pocket.
Looks like he plops down a pad of scratch paper. I see nothing wrong with this. Also, Mike’s got a valid point.
Considering that most of what he said were bald-faced lies, I don’t know why so much effort is being expended to ascribe pure-of-heart explanations for what he obviously snuck onto the podium ON TOP OF THE SCRATCH PAPER ALREADY PROVIDED. And it’s much more stiff than a handkerchief, which he is never seen using.
He’s a liar and a cheater who demonstrably didn’t play by the rules of the debate (bulldozing Lehrer, for instance). I see no need to give that scumbag the benefit of the doubt. He’s had enough benefits already.