Soccer fans call it brave goalkeeping, the act of springing into a star shape in front of an attacker who is about to kick the ball as hard as possible toward the goal. As I shuffled from the field, bent forward, eyes watering, waiting for the excruciating whack of pain in my crotch to metamorphose into a gut-wrenching ache, I thought only stupid goalkeeping. But after the fourth customary slap on the back from a teammate chortling, “Hope you never wanted kids, pal,” I thought only stupid, stupid testicles.
Natural selection has sculpted the mammalian forelimb into horses’ front legs, dolphins’ fins, bats’ wings, and my soccer ball-catching hands. Why, on the path from the primordial soup to us curious hairless apes, did evolution house the essential male reproductive organs in an exposed sac? It’s like a bank deciding against a vault and keeping its money in a tent on the sidewalk.
twitter tribes - more about scientific studies of online culture in my feature “What makes people click?” out now in Current Biology, free access: http://www.cell.com/current-biology/fulltext/S0960-9822%2813%2900349-7 Graphic: John Bryden, Sebastian Funk and Vincent Jansen
It’s cute that Alterra, UWM, and MKE are on here. Milwaukee, represent!
What?! No “poopin, boner, balls”?
YOUR INFOGRAPHIC IS INVALID.
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are nice, but…
I found something better. Allow me to share it with you.
First you need access to a Lindt factory outlet store. There, you will occasionally find hazelnut shell imperfections. I don’t know why they don’t just melt them down and try again, but I’m glad they don’t. Getting a bargain on Lindt chocolate just because they think it’s imperfect is fine with me.
The label has nutrition “facts” on it. Pay no mind. These don’t concern you.
Open that sucker up and let the good
times chocolate roll.
Now grab one of those yummy globes and locate the deep dent,
not the shallow dent,
because the chocolate on the side with the deep dent is thinner. You’ll need the structural integrity on the bottom for the next step. Smear the deep dent side with the peanut butter of your choice.
Now chomp down on that thing, biting off as little of the chocolate as you can.
It usually ends up being about half the ball no matter what you do. Now fill it up with more peanut butter.
I think you know what to do next…
Being imperfections, some of them wind up being half-shells with thick chocolate at the bottom. You can skip the first step with these and get right to the fillening and gobbling.