It was a fuzzy white blur.
Something just flew/ran/scuttled across the room and Tucker is pacing and sniffing and neither of us are leaving until we know what it is and we’re certain of its death.
A MOUSE IT IS A MOUSE I SAW IT AND OH GOD A MOUSE IN MY HOUSE NOT PAYING RENT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT
I had mice at a previous apartment. I found out I had mice when I lifted the heavy cut-glass cover off the butter dish to find little lick marks in the butter and a little mouse poop deposited a mouse-length away from the lick marks.
I wasn’t so much disgusted as I was baffled. How did that little fucker get in and out without disturbing the heavy lid? I actually appreciated that he left me a souvenir. Otherwise I might not have noticed that he helped himself to a savory butter feast.
I got a humane trap and baited it with peanut butter. Don’t believe the cartoons. They like peanut butter way more than cheese (sorry Lindsay). I also found out that if you let them outside, they’ll just find their way back inside. You have to let them go miles away.
When I set the trap, I got two in it right away. With it being the dead of winter, I felt bad about letting them go in a strange area far away from their home. Then it hit me.
I worked third shift and there was a Walmart on the way. So I stopped in, dumped them out of the trap at the front door, and shooed them under it.
I pictured them living out their lives in warm happiness, chowing down on Cheetos and Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch.
And I returned a couple more times to bring two more of their buddies to join them.
What you’re looking at is three eggs fried in the oil used for the included sautéed peppers and caramelized onions, topped with ground pepper, sliced tomato, and super-sharp cheddar until melted, all contained in a multi-grain wrap.
I’ll understand if you need to punch your breakfast in the face now.
Dude, stop picking at the delicious crispy cheese. It’s not worth the risk of eating aluminum foil.*
* Note to self.