All Poultry Bulletin
My neighbors have some chickens in a pen in the back yard.
Today some of them got out and roamed the yard. Most of them went back to their pen because that’s where the food and water is. When the wife next door got home, she tried to herd the remaining chicken into the pen.
It was quite comical.
She (the neighbor) opened the door and walked around the pen, and the chicken moved so it was perfectly on the opposite side the whole time. But the door kept closing before the chicken got to it, so she opened it on each lap. But it always closed by the time the chicken got there.
If aliens were watching this chicken dance, they’d be hard-pressed to discern which one was the sentient species.
She (the neighbor) finally propped open the door to the pen before chasing the chicken again. But she went the wrong way (so the chicken got to the door before the opening) and the chicken just went around the door and continued to do laps around the pen.
It was quite funny. She stopped and it looked like she was talking to it. I don’t know if she was cursing it out, threatening to devour its progeny, or trying to reason with it. Maybe they were just gossiping. Who knows.
She (the neighbor) finally figured out how to chase the chicken around the pen the right way and the chicken went in the door on the first lap. YAAAYYY!!!
She (the neighbor) texted about the breakout afterwards. There is still one chicken at large. She is considered avian and delicious.
The chickens got out because the door’s two latches were unhooked. That proves that birds are modern dinosaurs because THEY CAN OPEN DOORS NOW.
“I almost feel like the playwright is working too hard to NOT stereotype her characters, that she forces them to be unexpected when, really, they would probably actually do the expected thing,” he explains while licking grocery-store fried chicken from his fingers during intermission.
More like Chicken and Conversation Day, AMIRITE?
Yes. Unfortunately, I am right.
Nerds were inoculated against ridicule in childhood. When you joke about jock silliness in adulthood, the butthurt hits them HARD.
Syndrome, I dub thee Chicken Jox.
When my mother lived in North Carolina, I noticed that the family across the street, who happened to be black, had recliners on the front porch. The porch wasn’t enclosed, but was covered. I had never seen anyone put upholstered furniture on a porch like that, so I pointed it out to my mother. She said that it’s apparently practiced predominantly by black people in the South. So much so that when a neighboring town tried to pass a law banning upholstered furniture on front porches, they were accused of racism.
I thought it was really interesting that something so seemingly neutral to me as an outsider could be the cause of a racially contentious legal battle. Can’t upholstered furniture on a porch just be upholstered furniture on a porch?
As I gazed out the window contemplating racial harmony, wedge issues, and stereotypes, the guy across the street pulled his car in the driveway and went into the house carrying a giant watermelon.
I don’t know what made me think of that just now.
The only thing better than pizza is
After the innards were eaten out of half of an Uno’s deep-dish pizza, I filled the shells with chicken-spinach-feta and pork-broccoli-rabe sausages swimming in chili pepper tomato sauce and covered each one with a slice of pepper jack cheese, then baked to melty goodness.
Re-Pizza Every Day
It is an age-old riddle that has perplexed generations: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Now British scientists claim to have finally come up with the definitive answer: The chicken.
The scientific and philosophical mystery was purportedly unraveled by researchers at Sheffield and Warwick universities, according to the Daily Mail newspaper.
The scientists found that a protein found only in a chicken’s ovaries is necessary for the formation of the egg, according to the paper Wednesday. The egg can therefore only exist if it has been created inside a chicken.
The protein speeds up the development of the hard shell, which is essential in protecting the delicate yolk and fluids while the chick grows inside the egg, the report said.
“It had long been suspected that the egg came first but now we have the scientific proof that shows that in fact the chicken came first,” said Dr. Colin Freeman, from Sheffield University’s Department of Engineering Materials, according to the Mail.
“The protein had been identified before and it was linked to egg formation, but by examining it closely we have been able to see how it controls the process,” he said.
Dinosaurs laid eggs.