Shit. I’m at a birthday party for a kid in my son’s class and we are at a gymnastics place. All the parents were in this room overlooking the gym, and I checked a text and all of them left except for one and I didn’t know and now I’m stuck up here with a hot dad and it’s just us two and we aren’t talking and it’s super uncomfortable guys.
I never thought something like this would happen to me…
Current treat (I really like beans, OK?)
- Start with 28 oz. of baked kidney beans, 28 oz. of baked pinto beans with onions, and 21 oz. of black fiesta grillin’ beans in a crock pot
- 10 oz. of diced, sautéed onions
- One pound of sautéed sweet corn.
- About half of a 12 fl. oz. beer of your choice (drink the rest, duh)
- 8 oz. of pineapple tidbits in juice
- A healthy dollop of maple syrup
- A heaping tablespoon of brown sugar
- Lots of hot red pepper flakes (about twice as many as you think is appropriate)
- 7-10 big shakes of Chipotle Tabasco sauce
- Enough chipotle chile powder to make the top layer dry
- Mix together and set the crock pot on high
- Leave the cover off and stir often
- Cook for 4-6 hours to blend the flavors and thicken to taste
- Optional: Leave covered on “warm” for a few more hours to blend the flavors even more
It’s not nearly as spicy as you’d think. If you taste it while it cooks, it’ll be very spicy, but the spice eventually migrates into the beans and makes it milder. It’s also not as sweet as you’d think. The bitterness of the beer balances the maple syrup, brown sugar, and pineapple sweetness.
You’re left with a low-fat, high-fiber, hearty, delicious, and easily microwaveable meal or side-dish.
A few hours later: Weaponized butt.
I keep my margarita glass in the freezer, and I preheat my coffee mug.
Some people are wine snobs, and some people are coffee snobs.
Apparently I’m a temperature snob.
It’s bean time!
- 9.8 pounds
- 4.5 quarts
- 34 servings
- 5,075 calories (149/serving)
- 395 fat calories (12/serving)
- 990 g total carbs (29 g/serving)
- 377 g sugar (11 g/serving)
- 163 g fiber (5 g/serving)
- 208 g protein (6 g/serving)
- 15,810 mg sodium (465 mg/serving)
- 100% yummy
ERMAHGERD HER TERPERK
Anyone who is into cute guys who happen to be left-handed shark scientists with Australian accents should probably tune in to the National Geographic Wild channel now.
Just a heads-up.