[The phone is streaming live Hannah Hart to the right of the computer monitor, and the mirror is being held at the correct angle by Mechagodzilla to show the Netflix-streaming TV to the left of the monitor. WE LIVE IN THE FUTURE!]
I’m outside your house.
Waiting to drink some booze. Get your ass home.
I looked out the window. You must have left. Come back! I’ll make margaritas!
It is a wonderful glass from which to quaff powerful margaritas. It’s pretty hefty, so it stays cold for quite a while. I don’t remember where it came from, though. Sorry.
Speaking of which, you may be interested in my margarita recipe. I’ve changed it since then, though. I now use half a fresh-squoze lime (you can see the squeezer in the background) and agave nectar instead of the margarita mix.
I keep my margarita glass in the freezer, and I preheat my coffee mug.
Some people are wine snobs, and some people are coffee snobs.
Apparently I’m a temperature snob.
I love you guys
This message is brought to you by the letter M (for “margarita”) and tequila.
Queen Burjit Has A Request
I REQUIRE THE RECIPE FOR THIS CONCOCTION. Um. Please.
If you want to make this, first you need to put the glass you’re going to drink it from into the freezer yesterday.
Now, after you’ve conquered all the mysteries of the space-time continuum to accomplish that, next put ice in a shaker. I use a Tupperware™ cup because I’m all practical and shit. Today I used a few Meyer lemon juice ice cubes to wonderful effect. I highly recommend this tactic if you have the means.
Throw in an equal amount of them with regular ice because what are you, royalty? A few will get the job done, Your Highness. Geez.
When the shaker is full of ice, pour one shot of Cointreau (orange-flavor liqueur) and three (Yes, I said three. We want to get fucked up, don’t we?) shots of tequila over it.
I like Sauza Gold for its high quality-to-cost ratio. And Cointreau is better than triple sec, if just for the 40% vs. 25% alcohol content, never mind the difference in smoothness.
Next up is two shots of my favorite margarita mix. Some say you should only use fresh-squeezed limes. I don’t know about you, but when I want to get schnockered, I’m not all that into manual labor. But we still want quality, don’t we? Yeah, I thought so.
So don’t get that Mr. & Mrs. T shit, or GOD FORBID that Margaritaville drek. I like Stirrings’ mix, which is made with key limes and cane sugar (NOT corn syrup!).
If you can get your hands on it, put a couple of teaspoons of agave nectar in there, too. That’ll sweeten it up and enhance the tequila flavor, too. Agave nectar has a low glycemic index, so it’s…
Agh. Never mind. We’re getting fucked up here. This isn’t health food, ferchrissakes.
Now cover it and shake the shit out of it. After 20-30 seconds, you should feel a marked lowering of the temperature. The liquids contribute their heat to the ice to perform a phase-change that…
Aw, screw the science. We’re trying to get fucked up, remember? Shake that thang until it’s fucking freezing. Then yank that glass out of the freezer. You know, the one that you broke all the laws of physics to put in there yesterday.
Now pour your awesome fucking margarita into it, poke a straw through the ice, and suck that fucker down your gullet into your belleh. Tastes good, huh? That’s just the beginning. When it hits your bloodstream, all your troubles will be gone, gone, gone.