Obama’s Second-Term Victory Is Ice Cream
Re-electing Barack Obama was a bigger victory than simply putting a check mark in the “W” column. (Shit. I just reminded myself of the last guy. [SHUDDER])
It’s a gigantic victory. It’s SWEET victory. Why is it sweeter than just a plain old victory? The stage is set by what Obama inherited:
- Economic Disaster - Speaking of the last guy, Dubya inherited the biggest surplus in history and converted it into the biggest deficit in history. He shoveled money from a full vault into the overstuffed pockets of fat cats and into two useless, immoral, unwinnable wars, and kept digging until the hole in the floor of the vault was as big as the pile of money that had been in it. Dubya left that giant economic hole to his successor.
- Ongoing Wars - The trickiest part of unwinnable wars is getting out of them. Dubya left that shitty task to his successor.
Due to the havoc Dubya wreaked on America, and the commensurate repercussions, the GOP didn’t want to win the 2008 election. That’s right. They didn’t want to win.
They planned to blame the Democratic winner for all of the country’s problems, block anything he or she wanted to do, and be sitting pretty four years later to easily win in 2012 and take credit for the inevitable upturn in the economy.
Crazy, you say? Check this out:
The candidate the GOP put forth was short, old, decrepit, facially asymmetrical, and blinky as hell. The stress of the presidency probably would have killed him. Which brings up his running mate: A corrupt, vindictive Barbie-doll hockey mom with a shocking lack of knowledge about the world (and proud of it) and an accent that turbocharged her very evident stupidity and shallowness.
Sure they wanted to win. But the GOP didn’t want them to win.
But now… NOW.
It’s 2012 and the GOP really wants to win. They are supposed to win. It’s self-evident that they will win. They could taste it. They were salivating.
It reminds me of Eddie Murphy’s bit about ice cream from Delirious. The Republicans are the kid who has the ice cream, taunting the kid who doesn’t have any ice cream “because you are on the welllffaarre!” They danced around ecstatically with the ice cream in their grasp until the ice cream fell on the ground and they stood there dejected.
And the welfare kid danced and sang.
That’s why this win is so sweet and delicious.
Here’s the aforementioned Eddie Murphy Delirious cookout bit. It’s all in the first minute, but the whole twelve minutes is brilliant.
Redditor: A girl asked me to tell her about myself. I started with "well, I was born a poor black child (I'm white, the quote is from, The Jerk)." She gave me a blank stare. What movie quotes do you frequently use that far too few people understand?
ITT: discomfort
There are two movie quotes I frequently use that are almost never never understood.
The first is from Singin’ in the Rain. Right after insulting Don Lockwood during a car ride, Kathy Selden drives up to his intersection and happily sings out “Here we are, Sunset and Camden!” Hence, I will often mimic that singsong quote when pulling over to drop somebody off, although nobody ever seems to understand why.
The second is from the 2001 version of Ocean’s 11. Livingston Dell, overseeing logistics for the heist, checks to see if Basher Tarr is in position by saying “Bash, what’s your status?” I repeat this a lot instead of saying things like “Where are you?” or “What are your plans?”, but nobody ever gets it. They always say “Huh? Bash?” So sad.
I can’t say that NO ONE ever gets these, but you’d be surprised at how few people do. I quote from movies and TV all the time (ALL THE TIME), but by far the two lines I quote the most are:
1. “That’s OK, we can walk to the curb from here” — Annie Hall. Though admittedly and somewhat ironically, I don’t get the chance to say this as much now that I live in NYC and no longer own a car or ride along with friends/family.
2. No matter the circumstance, if anyone near me says “Could be worse,” I am morally obligated to add “Could be raining,” which is a Young Frankenstein reference that, you know, I still don’t understand why more people don’t get it. What is wrong with people?
I said, “Don’t call me Shirley” the other day, person did not get the quote. Which, c’mon. Airplane? For real?
When someone is throwing a hissy fit, I’ll say, “Easy, Rod. Easy Rod EASY ROD.” It’s from Super Troopers when Farva is working himself up to call some people chicken fuckers.
People always say, “Who’s Rod?”
(Fun fact, those people are actually his parents in real life.)
I have one that just happened a couple of weeks ago.
My neighbors had a big outdoor Autumn party. Lots of their friends and family attended. I didn’t know most of them (except for a few I met at their previous parties) so it was mostly a socially awkward affair, but the food was good, so that’s a plus.
When the sun went down, so did the temperature. People gravitated toward the firepit. Certain individuals took it upon themselves to make the fire as big as humanly possible. Every time this one guy placed a piece of wood he would say, “That’s a fire!”
I thought he was quoting the Eddie Murphy bit from Delirious in which, when Eddie was a kid, his uncle Gus would direct Eddie and his brother Charlie (CHARLIE MURPHY!) to chop down a tree, throw two gallons of gasoline on it, and then hit it with a match. When it burst into a huge fireball, Gus would exclaim, “Now THAT’S a fire! THAT’S a fire!”
Anyone who has heard that bit can hear Eddie’s impression of Gus right now. (Also, any time someone says “two gallons of gasoline” the entire bit runs through my head involuntarily.) So naturally when the fire guy said “THAT’S a fire!” I thought that’s what he was doing, but without the Gus impression. After the guy did this three times, I couldn’t restrain myself from doing my Gus (which I do a pretty good job of), secure in the knowledge that I would get at least one laugh. (All you introverts know about this math equation.)
So when he threw on more wood and created this:

I let loose my best Gus:
“Now THAT’S a fire! THAT’S a fire!”
— And got blank stares and crickets.
Even from Mr. THAT’S-A-Fire.
I looked around for any signs of recognition.
Nothing.
I looked back to Mr. THAT’S-A-Fire.
Still nothing.
UGH.
People.
(via iamsuperannoying)
Source: nickdouglas
Now THAT’S a Fire!
Some people here think they’re Eddie Murphy’s uncle. Now all we need is two gallons of gasoline.
Now THAT’S a fire!
Speaking of no bulge, go to 2:30 in this video.
ALSO:
Remember when Eddie Murphy was one of the funniest guys ever?




