I just got polled.
And I think we all know how painful that can be.
But seriously, folks…
I live in a battleground state. It only has four electoral votes, but apparently that’s enough for Obama and Romney to fight over us. I usually don’t answer the phone unless I know it’s someone I want to talk to. I recently decided to answer it so I could be polled. (Huh huh huh. POLLED. Huh huh huh.) Tonight was the night.
And I lied my motherfuckin’ ass off.
For a long time I’ve been undecided.
Not about the election, dummy! That’s obvious.
I was undecided about telling the truth if I were polled. (Heh.) The other day I decided that I would deceive the pollsters. Why? For a few reasons.
- If Romney thinks the numbers are in his favor, he’ll campaign less here, leading to a lower chance of winning.
- If Obama thinks Romney is stronger, he’ll campaign more here. Then I’ll have a better chance of meeting him someplace like Mac’s Apples.
- I love the face Romney makes when he realizes something he thought was true is, in fact, not true.
- If I’m lucky, I’ll get to witness it at the exact moment he finds out he lost New Hampshire, and I’ll be able to say that I did that to him.
- But the most important reason is to make the race look closer and get Obama voters to not be complacent. I don’t want them to stay home because “it’s a sure thing” instead of getting out and voting.
At the end of the survey, the woman told me that she was from the Romney campaign.
Ha! Mission Accomplished!
Maybe next time I’ll tell you about my “Borrow Republicans’ IDs from November 5th to November 7th" plan.
OK, FAUXNews, we decided. Now get in line with the 21st Century. (Click pic to vote.)
OK, FAUXNews, we decided.
Now get in line with the 21st Century.
(Click pic to vote.)