I had to post this because animated GIFs don’t do it justice. You have to hear their tones of voice.
I left in the stuff after a minute and a half because it’s pretty good, too, but that Brian Williams thing is THE BEST. I cried I was laughing so hard replaying it over and over.
AND I WASN’T EVEN POTTED UP ON WEED!
Guys, I get it: providing healthcare benefits to employees cost money. And, as a group, you tend to prefer things that do not cost that — I watch Undercover Boss. But own your layoffs and your policies. Let’s stop pretending that suddenly, with this election, bosses have been transformed into reluctant assholes.
Obamacare is just the latest excuse to wriggle out of the social contract. For many years now, full-time benefits like sick days, maternity leave, pensions, lunch hours, chairs — have disappeared by magically transforming full-time employees into ‘independent contractors’ or ‘part-time-20-year temp help.’ Wanna avoid paying half of your employees’ Social Security tax? Reclassify them as ‘independent contractors’ so they pay it all themselves! Make them fill out a 1099! ‘That’s not a full-time busboy — that’s Juan Co., LLC!’
…So let’s cut the ‘I’d loooove to be able to give employees healthcare — I just can’t!’ Let’s face the facts: pizza and coal companies are just unlucky enough to have a labor force that can’t be outsourced — you happen to be among the few industries that still has to hire Americans! I’m sure that if you could outsource your pizza-making to China, I’m sure that ‘Papa John’s’ would become Papa San’s. Which is actually (Japanese), but, you know, for the joke. You understand.
…So maybe next time, take all the millions you donated for partisan political purposes and pump it back into the type of healthcare advances that may ultimately increase business productivity! And then, we can just keep pizza out of politics.
JON STEWART, responding to business owners like Papa John’s CEO John Schnatter threatening to fire employees because of the implementation of Obamacare, on The Daily Show (via inothernews)
smartasshat: Jack Valenti said VCRs were going to kill Hollywood. Instead, they provided incredible revenue through rentals and sales. Other businessmen decry green technology as something that will kill their businesses. But instead it enhances efficiency, saving money and increasing profits. Businessmen have a consistent history of resisting any change that benefits them AND others. They only like ideas that benefit themselves and no one else. The fucking idiots repeatedly have to be dragged kicking and screaming into a giant pile of cash that, by the way, is good for everyone.
PBS to Rep. Phil Gingrey: “Are Republicans going to help create jobs? How do you do that and not spend money?”
He then talks for 1m 15s about how healthcare reform is needed, but what we really need are jobs, people would take their jobs back even without healthcare, and “everyone knows we need reform but we need jobs first.”
And then some bullshit about the president being “likable.”
If I had a political TV show it would be “Answer the fucking question.” It would not be live, and the only way that your answer gets on there is if you answer the fucking question, not repeat your same old tired talking points.
(Also, no politician would go on it, I’m sure.)
I’m sure a Kickstarter project could easily raise a few million dollars for your show. I see a nice hook in call-and-response audience participation:
TJ: [setup, setup, setup; question?] “And now it’s time for you to…”
Audience: “ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION!!!”
Guest: [blah blah blah avoid avoid avoid]
TJ: [Points to audience]
Audience:"ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION!!!”
::tumbleweed rolls by::
Jon Stewart must be on.