Obama’s Second-Term Victory Is Ice Cream
Re-electing Barack Obama was a bigger victory than simply putting a check mark in the “W” column. (Shit. I just reminded myself of the last guy. [SHUDDER])
It’s a gigantic victory. It’s SWEET victory. Why is it sweeter than just a plain old victory? The stage is set by what Obama inherited:
- Economic Disaster - Speaking of the last guy, Dubya inherited the biggest surplus in history and converted it into the biggest deficit in history. He shoveled money from a full vault into the overstuffed pockets of fat cats and into two useless, immoral, unwinnable wars, and kept digging until the hole in the floor of the vault was as big as the pile of money that had been in it. Dubya left that giant economic hole to his successor.
- Ongoing Wars - The trickiest part of unwinnable wars is getting out of them. Dubya left that shitty task to his successor.
Due to the havoc Dubya wreaked on America, and the commensurate repercussions, the GOP didn’t want to win the 2008 election. That’s right. They didn’t want to win.
They planned to blame the Democratic winner for all of the country’s problems, block anything he or she wanted to do, and be sitting pretty four years later to easily win in 2012 and take credit for the inevitable upturn in the economy.
Crazy, you say? Check this out:
The candidate the GOP put forth was short, old, decrepit, facially asymmetrical, and blinky as hell. The stress of the presidency probably would have killed him. Which brings up his running mate: A corrupt, vindictive Barbie-doll hockey mom with a shocking lack of knowledge about the world (and proud of it) and an accent that turbocharged her very evident stupidity and shallowness.
Sure they wanted to win. But the GOP didn’t want them to win.
But now… NOW.
It’s 2012 and the GOP really wants to win. They are supposed to win. It’s self-evident that they will win. They could taste it. They were salivating.
It reminds me of Eddie Murphy’s bit about ice cream from Delirious. The Republicans are the kid who has the ice cream, taunting the kid who doesn’t have any ice cream “because you are on the welllffaarre!” They danced around ecstatically with the ice cream in their grasp until the ice cream fell on the ground and they stood there dejected.
And the welfare kid danced and sang.
That’s why this win is so sweet and delicious.
Republicans react to Obama’s second-term victory.
![Barack Obama Wins Second Term, Faux News Implodes
2:26:50 / 1.23 GB / H.264 MP4
Here’s a link to download the Faux News coverage from the moment they announce that Obama won (at 11:14 pm) to the end of Obama’s fantastic acceptance speech at 2:00 am.
I happened to start recording the exact moment they announced it, and Obama ended his speech just before 2 am, when the DVR stopped recording because the TV schedule said the show was over.
I removed all the commercials and left everything else. It’s all just too good. There is nothing I could cut out. The absolute highlight is Karl Rove on live TV struggling with the reality of Obama’s second-term victory. The rest is pretty sweet, too. You can see the formation of the Conservative excuses and complaints before they’ve been polished by the central braintrust. Plus, the commentators are forced to acknowledge that Nate Silver and others were dead-on with their fact-based predictions. Unfolding right before your eyes, the whole Conservative anti-reality bubble is popped suddenly and violently in their faces.
It’s a lot like a super-slow-motion video of a water balloon when it’s popped. The thin shell holding their wacky beliefs together is pulled back, and they slowly deform and fall to the floor and go KA-PLOOSH all over themselves.
I want to describe more of it, but I think the best way to express how much I love this is to show you the tweets inspired by watching this:
Why is the Faux News anchor guy wearing a hard hat?
Just like Romney’s huge blunder in the second debate, the GOP’s fatal flaw is their anti-reality bubble. Keep on truckin’, Faux News!
It’s priceless to watch Karl Rove struggle as he chokes on Romney’s loss. Priceless.
Tagg just punched a map of Ohio.
Here’s the difference: Obama knows the job and does it. Romney thinks the job should be to do nothing.
ICK! Karl Rove uses a Mac! BRB Reevaluating everything.
THIS JUST IN: Mitt Romney has been programmed to give a concession speech at 12:55 am EDT.
[At 12:55 on the dot] Romney’s internal atomic clock is functional.
Mitt Romney has successfully fulfilled his family tradition of losing presidential elections. Tagg, you’re it.
The Faux News anti-reality bubble is still in full effect. They’re wondering if Obama will finally be willing to compromise in his 2nd term.
I can report with confidence that I do not have a genie because no one from FOXNews is currently sucking my dick.
Posting this video for you all to enjoy was made possible by:
ReplayTV - The original TiVo competitor which hooks directly into the home network
DVArchive - A free Java-based program that fools the ReplayTV into thinking your computer is another ReplayTV. It’s how I transfer recordings to the computer.
HandBrake - The program I use to transcode ReplayTV files.
VideoLAN - Also known as VLC. HandBrake uses codecs contained in VLC to do its thang.
MPEG Streamclip - Allows native editing of video files, including H.264. I removed the commercials with it.
Dropbox - The video is in my Dropbox public folder (download). You can get your own Dropbox at the link.
Skydrive - The video can also be downloaded from Skydrive here.
And jokers like you - You guys make life fun by being all funny and interesting and shit.](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_md5325Uaga1qza5g2o1_1280.png)
Barack Obama Wins Second Term, Faux News Implodes
2:26:50 / 1.23 GB / H.264 MP4
Here’s a link to download the Faux News coverage from the moment they announce that Obama won (at 11:14 pm) to the end of Obama’s fantastic acceptance speech at 2:00 am.
I happened to start recording the exact moment they announced it, and Obama ended his speech just before 2 am, when the DVR stopped recording because the TV schedule said the show was over.
I removed all the commercials and left everything else. It’s all just too good. There is nothing I could cut out. The absolute highlight is Karl Rove on live TV struggling with the reality of Obama’s second-term victory. The rest is pretty sweet, too. You can see the formation of the Conservative excuses and complaints before they’ve been polished by the central braintrust. Plus, the commentators are forced to acknowledge that Nate Silver and others were dead-on with their fact-based predictions. Unfolding right before your eyes, the whole Conservative anti-reality bubble is popped suddenly and violently in their faces.
It’s a lot like a super-slow-motion video of a water balloon when it’s popped. The thin shell holding their wacky beliefs together is pulled back, and they slowly deform and fall to the floor and go KA-PLOOSH all over themselves.
I want to describe more of it, but I think the best way to express how much I love this is to show you the tweets inspired by watching this:
Why is the Faux News anchor guy wearing a hard hat?
It’s priceless to watch Karl Rove struggle as he chokes on Romney’s loss. Priceless.
Tagg just punched a map of Ohio.
ICK! Karl Rove uses a Mac! BRB Reevaluating everything.
THIS JUST IN: Mitt Romney has been programmed to give a concession speech at 12:55 am EDT.
[At 12:55 on the dot] Romney’s internal atomic clock is functional.
Posting this video for you all to enjoy was made possible by:
- ReplayTV - The original TiVo competitor which hooks directly into the home network
- DVArchive - A free Java-based program that fools the ReplayTV into thinking your computer is another ReplayTV. It’s how I transfer recordings to the computer.
- HandBrake - The program I use to transcode ReplayTV files.
- VideoLAN - Also known as VLC. HandBrake uses codecs contained in VLC to do its thang.
- MPEG Streamclip - Allows native editing of video files, including H.264. I removed the commercials with it.
- Dropbox - The video is in my Dropbox public folder (download). You can get your own Dropbox at the link.
- Skydrive - The video can also be downloaded from Skydrive here.
- And jokers like you - You guys make life fun by being all funny and interesting and shit.
Source: smartasshat
